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The problem is such that she takes it to Simon's friend Jordie: where do you take a friend from out of town who had an upbringing similar to her own and feels a little off in places as fancy as anywhere Simon would suggest?

The response comes back via wave: Have a little more faith in your husband, but not much -- he never went to this particular bar as much as I did. Ask him (I'm assuming he knows your friend better than I do) what he would think about The Pig.

Apparently it's suitable for Jayne Cobb, and walking distance from their apartment, and so Kaylee and Jayne present themselves at a local speakeasy that from the outside is a mere door, no windows. A hand-written sign in Mandarin tacked to it pronounces the name of the establishment to be The Pig In The Poke.

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"Just as long as you don't protest when I decide I'm done," Kaylee says peacefully as they head for the bar. "I'm tinier'n you, and we already know you can drink me under any table there is."

In Jayne's experience, the more you have, the less likely you are to protest about having more.

"Fair enough," he agrees, grinning. "Gotta say I ain't in a mood to have you droolin' all over my shirt the whole way back if I gotta carry you home."

(This is a lie. Jayne never complains about having hot ladies draped over him.)

Edited 2009-02-16 03:49 (UTC)

"I would never." Kaylee is mildly outraged. "You just ask Simon. Or that Dean Winchester, for that matter."

The reason she's only mildly outraged: he's buying.

"I mean, you're more the drool type than me. And I ain't carryin' you nowhere, so."

They're in the bar by this time, and Jayne settles himself on a bench with a lot of clear space.

Some nights are nights for 'accidentally' shoving someone else and havin' some good clean bruisin' fun, but tonight is probably not that nice.

"Huh! You tellin' me you ever been drunk with Simon when Simon's been sober enough to notice whether you was droolin'? 'cause if you're sellin' that story, I ain't buyin' it."

If Jayne can drink Kaylee under the table, he's fairly sure he can drink Simon under the stool, the bench, and probably the tiny stepladder for good measure.

"Matter of fact, I have -- back on Santo, with Dean Winchester."

Duh, Kaylee's voice implies.

"When we got all those blackmail pictures I'm still never showin' you in a billion years."

". . . . now if I recall," Jayne says, slow and serene, "I ain't had the pleasure a hearin' about this particular outin' before. Or these blackmail-type pictures."

"That's because you wasn't invited. It was a thank-you venture for Dean for helpin' me out with all the repairs. And I got kind of drunk and meanwhile Simon and his little brother Sam was out amusin' themselves so they didn't get around underfoot while me and Dean was workin'. What're we gonna drink?"

. . . this, right now? This is Jayne not making a joke about how Simon and Dean's little brother Sam might've been amusing themselves while Dean and Kaylee were trashed.

This is Jayne showing great restraint. Especially considering he wasn't invited!

"I was thinkin' whiskey," he says, letting it go for now. (Time enough to ask again after a glass or two.) "Less'n you're gonna go all frilly on me, an' I'm tellin' you now you can get what you want, but I don't believe in dilutin' good liquor. It's on moral grounds."

Kaylee could not swear under oath that similar thoughts have not crossed her mind once or twice. (Albeit in a very different context than what Jayne has in mind.

...maybe.)

"Less it's diluted, less I'll drink," she warns.

Jayne is . . . sort of won over by this argument.

"You want somethin's gonna rot your teeth, that's your call," he says, and bellows over to the barkeep.

"Hey! A whiskey an' a Stoned Angel over here."

"Please," Kaylee calls, and sends Jayne a look.

"It does tend to help. If you say please."

Jayne looks blankly back at her.

"I ain't ever found that."

Kaylee laughs good-naturedly. "You ever tried it, Jayne?"

"Ain't never needed to," says Jayne, with some smugness.

When you're as devilish handsome as this fellow right here, there's plenty a ways to get what you're askin' for without resortin' to manners.

"Well, you ever do try, you get it recorded, 'cause I'd like to see it."

Cunning: "Tell you what - you show me those blackmail pictures, I'll get you a recordin' of me please-in' and thank-you-in' it up good as a charm school Shepherd."

"Absolutely not," she says cheerfully. "I like bein' married. Been good for me. I'd like it to continue and whatnot."

"Wouldn't have to tell him you showed me."

Their drinks arrive, shuffled over on a tray by a sour-faced old man; Jayne passes Kaylee hers (it's bright yellow, with gold flecks) and takes a gulp of his.

"I coulda stumbled on 'em all on my own."

Kaylee eyes hers warily, and takes a cautious sip.

It meets with approval; her next isn't nearly so cautious. "You ain't discovered 'em in near a year now. He ain't discovered 'em. What makes you think you can find 'em?"

"Didn't know about 'em for a year now," Jayne points out.

"An' I'm willin' to look places he ain't, on account of I ain't a gentleman."

"And I can put snow in your room and keep it there," Kaylee says cheerfully. "Or make it hot. And you can't do a ruttin' thing about it, so I'd think you'd want to stay on my good side."

". . . I can not sleep there."

Jayne is too cunning for you, Kaylee! TOO CUNNING.

"And then I'll do it to all of us and when they say to me, 'Kaylee, why won't you ruttin' fix it' I'll say 'well, captain and Zoe and Wash and Naomi and River, it's 'cause Jayne won't be no kind of gentleman, so as soon as he gets nice I'll fix it', and then you'll just have to be a be a gentleman."

"Couple a flaws in your genius plan there, little Kaylee," Jayne says, taking a gulp of his whiskey.

"First off, time all this comes around, I'll've already found those blackmail pics an' the whole point'll be past moot anyhow. And second off, you tell the cap'n an' Zoe an' Wash an' Naomi that the ship's repairs are waitin' on me actin' like a Tam-standard rarified gent, an' I reckon you'll get a full crew's worth of laughin' at in the face."

Yes, even from Naomi!

"Well, there's at least one flaw in your plan, 'cause you're assumin' they're on the ship."

Kaylee drinks.

Smugly.