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The problem is such that she takes it to Simon's friend Jordie: where do you take a friend from out of town who had an upbringing similar to her own and feels a little off in places as fancy as anywhere Simon would suggest?

The response comes back via wave: Have a little more faith in your husband, but not much -- he never went to this particular bar as much as I did. Ask him (I'm assuming he knows your friend better than I do) what he would think about The Pig.

Apparently it's suitable for Jayne Cobb, and walking distance from their apartment, and so Kaylee and Jayne present themselves at a local speakeasy that from the outside is a mere door, no windows. A hand-written sign in Mandarin tacked to it pronounces the name of the establishment to be The Pig In The Poke.

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"Now, Jayne," Kaylee says, mock-offended, "you know I can't bluff to save my life."

"Lotta things you might bluff about ain't got nothin' to do with savin' no one's life," Jayne points out.

"Think I don't know you're sneaky?"

Kaylee's smile is very peaceful.

She drinks a little more.

~*two drinks later*~

"- and then I said to her, tàikōng suŏyŏu de xīngqiú sāijìn wŏ de pìgu!" says Jayne, and slaps his knee, with a roaring laugh.

Kaylee is collapsed in giggles.

She manages, after a long moment of incoherence, "Well -- well -- well, was it?"

Jayne gives the tender a discreet signal for two more drinks - which, in Jayne's case, means waving an arm high above his head and bellowing, "Another round!" before turning to Kaylee to say, with a loud snigger, "All of it that mattered, anyhow. It were a hell of a time explainin' to her ma after."

"Surprised you -- you still got any pìgu to speak of -- "

"Still do, though," smugs Jayne, "an' it's a damn fine one, no denyin'."

Though it's not like Jayne needs to parade around in tight pants showing it off. Unlike some people!

"Yeah, but it's all -- "

Kaylee makes a moué with her hand. "Dented."

"Better t'get a handle on," points out Jayne, who obviously only lives to make life easier for the ladies.

Kaylee laughs again. "Jayne, you don't know nothin' -- that's why there's a crack in it."

Jayne waggles his eyebrows. "All kinds a uses for that."

"Yeah, and I'm sayin' -- I'm sayin' -- "

She loses the thread for a moment, but picks it back up, triumphant!

"I'm sayin' that you don't need dents when you got a crack, and you got dents!"

Jayne is rich in body cavities. He does not think this is a bad thing.

"Never figured you for so narrow-minded, Kaylee," Jayne says, reproachfully. "Gotta think a the possibilities."

Kaylee is scandalized!

"Not with you I don't!"

Jayne pats her on the shoulder.

"It's a real shame you went an' married a fellow with a borin' pigu. Ain't let you exercise your creativity."

"Yeah, well -- "

Kaylee polishes off her drink and slams her glass down. A witty retort: "Least his don't have a dent in it!"

"Don't know what you're missin'," Jayne informs her, and downs the rest of his own glass.

"And I don't much care, neither," Kaylee informs him right back. "I mean, even the captain's is nicer'n yours. And everybody knows it, since he's got it all hangin' out in those pants all the time."

"Compensatin'," is Jayne's succinct rejoinder.

"...was you not there when Saffron pulled one over on him, left him out there without no clothes on?" Kaylee shakes her head. "Captain does all right and more than."

"Was there, weren't interested in lookin' thanks, an' I don't know 'bout what kinda standards you got, but far's I'm concerned a man don't wear pants that tight if he's doin' more than all right."

Too painful!

Kaylee tilts her head to the right.

Then a little further to the right.

Then a liiiiiittle further.

"You've thought about it," Kaylee accuses.

With glee!

"I ain't thought about nothin'!" grumbles Jayne, which is . . . probably truer than he means.

"You want to know the truth - fact is, there was a time when I was younger'n'dumber'n I am now I thought I could handle the tight pants. They was all in with the ladies, dŏng ma? Fact is," he goes on, with sad and slightly sloshy dignity, "I was too much man for 'em an' it didn't work out, an' that, little Kaylee, is how I know."

She shakes her head sadly. "Jayne, you just ain't found the right ladies."