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The problem is such that she takes it to Simon's friend Jordie: where do you take a friend from out of town who had an upbringing similar to her own and feels a little off in places as fancy as anywhere Simon would suggest?

The response comes back via wave: Have a little more faith in your husband, but not much -- he never went to this particular bar as much as I did. Ask him (I'm assuming he knows your friend better than I do) what he would think about The Pig.

Apparently it's suitable for Jayne Cobb, and walking distance from their apartment, and so Kaylee and Jayne present themselves at a local speakeasy that from the outside is a mere door, no windows. A hand-written sign in Mandarin tacked to it pronounces the name of the establishment to be The Pig In The Poke.

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"And then I'll do it to all of us and when they say to me, 'Kaylee, why won't you ruttin' fix it' I'll say 'well, captain and Zoe and Wash and Naomi and River, it's 'cause Jayne won't be no kind of gentleman, so as soon as he gets nice I'll fix it', and then you'll just have to be a be a gentleman."

"Couple a flaws in your genius plan there, little Kaylee," Jayne says, taking a gulp of his whiskey.

"First off, time all this comes around, I'll've already found those blackmail pics an' the whole point'll be past moot anyhow. And second off, you tell the cap'n an' Zoe an' Wash an' Naomi that the ship's repairs are waitin' on me actin' like a Tam-standard rarified gent, an' I reckon you'll get a full crew's worth of laughin' at in the face."

Yes, even from Naomi!

"Well, there's at least one flaw in your plan, 'cause you're assumin' they're on the ship."

Kaylee drinks.

Smugly.

Jayne eyes her. He is not sure she has earned the right to smugness yet!

"Where else is it you got the power t'fix up as a torture chamber?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Kaylee beams at him.

"You," Jayne says, and punctuates with a pointed finger, "are bluffin'."

"Now, Jayne," Kaylee says, mock-offended, "you know I can't bluff to save my life."

"Lotta things you might bluff about ain't got nothin' to do with savin' no one's life," Jayne points out.

"Think I don't know you're sneaky?"

Kaylee's smile is very peaceful.

She drinks a little more.

~*two drinks later*~

"- and then I said to her, tàikōng suŏyŏu de xīngqiú sāijìn wŏ de pìgu!" says Jayne, and slaps his knee, with a roaring laugh.

Kaylee is collapsed in giggles.

She manages, after a long moment of incoherence, "Well -- well -- well, was it?"

Jayne gives the tender a discreet signal for two more drinks - which, in Jayne's case, means waving an arm high above his head and bellowing, "Another round!" before turning to Kaylee to say, with a loud snigger, "All of it that mattered, anyhow. It were a hell of a time explainin' to her ma after."

"Surprised you -- you still got any pìgu to speak of -- "

"Still do, though," smugs Jayne, "an' it's a damn fine one, no denyin'."

Though it's not like Jayne needs to parade around in tight pants showing it off. Unlike some people!

"Yeah, but it's all -- "

Kaylee makes a moué with her hand. "Dented."

"Better t'get a handle on," points out Jayne, who obviously only lives to make life easier for the ladies.

Kaylee laughs again. "Jayne, you don't know nothin' -- that's why there's a crack in it."

Jayne waggles his eyebrows. "All kinds a uses for that."

"Yeah, and I'm sayin' -- I'm sayin' -- "

She loses the thread for a moment, but picks it back up, triumphant!

"I'm sayin' that you don't need dents when you got a crack, and you got dents!"

Jayne is rich in body cavities. He does not think this is a bad thing.

"Never figured you for so narrow-minded, Kaylee," Jayne says, reproachfully. "Gotta think a the possibilities."

Kaylee is scandalized!

"Not with you I don't!"

Jayne pats her on the shoulder.

"It's a real shame you went an' married a fellow with a borin' pigu. Ain't let you exercise your creativity."

"Yeah, well -- "

Kaylee polishes off her drink and slams her glass down. A witty retort: "Least his don't have a dent in it!"

"Don't know what you're missin'," Jayne informs her, and downs the rest of his own glass.

"And I don't much care, neither," Kaylee informs him right back. "I mean, even the captain's is nicer'n yours. And everybody knows it, since he's got it all hangin' out in those pants all the time."