(no subject)

[gonna_live]

In the dream, she's a real heartbreaker.

She takes them, over and over again, up in the arena where it looks like the sky goes on forever. She finds them, one by one, and tries them out, leaving a trail of crumpled bodies in her wake, and she remembers smiling as she takes each one.

Mal's comes first, and it's like a club, broad and heavy. She swings the sword hard and fast, but she doesn't know how to handle it. She lets it drop. Mal doesn't move.

Next is River. It takes her a moment to pin River down, but when she plunges her hand in the sword comes easily. It's thin, spindly, with a deep red jewel inset in the hilt. The kind of speed she's looking for, but too flexible. Kaylee rejects it and walks on. River stays, immobile.

Simon's heart is no weapon at all. She steps over his body, disgusted, and moves on.

Susannah Dean and Rose Toren get rejected. Their weapons, she knows, aren't hers -- Rose's almost fits, is almost what she's looking for, but in the end she stamps her feet with frustration (how unbefitting for a duelist!) and lets it drop as well. Rose's eyes stare glassy at the endless blue sky.

She likes the screams the best, she thinks.

And it's finally the vampire thing that she comes to take, at the last, to fight her enemy, to kill (she's come to set fire to your glamour). The vampire thing that looks like her. Kaylee sets out her palm and pulls, and feels her heart pull out of its body -- and keeps going. Like squeezing blood from a stone.

She pulls out her own heart and watches it beat. It looks like a jewel.

The vampire thing pulls her hair aside and sinks its teeth deep in her neck.

Kaylee starts to laugh as she falls. Her heart turns to sand in her hands. "Stop laughing," says a voice, "you're going to hell." She's laughing and laughing and she can't breathe but it's just so funny.













Kaylee's eyes snap open.

In the dim light that bleeds into their room from the corridor she can see the way out.

She carefully picks her way past Simon and slips out, leaving the door cracked.

Comments

[simon_doctor]

He's not quite sure what wakes him.

The empty side of the bed is still a little warm; the door to their room is a little open.



Barefoot, Simon pads out into the corridor.

[gonna_live]

The lights are low out in the passenger lounge.

Kaylee's curled up on the couch, wrapped in a spare blanket -- the colorful one from the hidden market on Osiris. Her eyes are open. She doesn't lift her head.

[simon_doctor]

"Kaylee?"

Very softly, from behind the armchair.

[gonna_live]

"I'm okay." She doesn't move. "Go back to sleep."

[simon_doctor]

"Are you sure?"

He comes a little closer, trying to get a look at her face.

[gonna_live]

"Or you could come be a pillow."

"Not picky."

[simon_doctor]

He sits down next to her, rests a hand lightly on her shoulder.

"Trouble sleeping?"

[gonna_live]

She shifts a little -- enough to rest her head on his lap. She stares out into the room. "Bad dream."

[simon_doctor]

Simon strokes her shoulder, and her hair.

"D'you want to talk about it, or no?"

[gonna_live]

"When was the last time you felt real powerless?"

Her voice is soft. Near toneless.

[simon_doctor]

The question's unexpected; the answer comes to mind entirely too quickly.


"...probably the last clinic stop," he murmurs.

[gonna_live]

Kaylee nods a little, her hair shifting on his lap, and doesn't reply.

Not immediately.






"That's what it's been about. This whole time."

[simon_doctor]

His hand's still rubbing her shoulder, lightly.

"What do you mean?" Soft.

[gonna_live]

"Comes right down to it, I been powerless for a while. Not so much any more."




"Still don't know how to do it right."

[simon_doctor]

"What," he murmurs, "be ... not-powerless?"

[gonna_live]

"Yeah."

She lets her eyes close briefly. Not too long. There are things there. Bodies.

"Either you run people down or you let them run you down. I don't -- I can't do it." Low, and unhappy. "I want to be me, I want to live, I just want to be left alone."





"With present company included." Her hand snakes out from under the blanket to rest on his knee.

[simon_doctor]

Simon's other hand comes down to cover hers, and squeeze gently.

He's starting to develop a guess as to what she dreamed about -- what kind of thing she dreamed about, if not the specifics.

[gonna_live]

It's the middle of the night.

She could say things because it's the middle of the night, and have them forgotten by morning.

She could.

Instead:

"I don't think I'm any good at this living thing." At least Kaylee's got it in her to sound a little amused. (More like rueful, but close enough.)

[simon_doctor]

He squeezes her hand a little tighter.

Very soft: "Is it that bad?"

[gonna_live]

Kaylee shakes her head, and lets out a soft sigh.

"I'm not -- it's not like I'm gonna do something dumb. I'm -- I'm here. It's not bad like that. I just..."

Her head shifts a little. "If there's a way to stand up for yourself without stomping on other folks, I ain't found it yet."

[simon_doctor]

Quiet for a moment, then a sigh echoing hers.

"Some people seem to manage," he murmurs. "I don't know how either."

[gonna_live]

"Well. For the record. I don't like it." She links her fingers with his.

[simon_doctor]

"It doesn't seem right, does it." His thumb strokes the back of her hand.

"I mean, in theory that's part of what government is supposed to be for, to protect people. So they don't have to constantly fight to protect themselves." He shakes his head. "Doesn't exactly work out that way in practice, though, does it."

[gonna_live]

Kaylee aims an eye up at him.

Doesn't say anything.

[simon_doctor]

He shakes his head. "I just mean ... in the end, either you have to fight or someone else has to fight for you."